Get back in that boat!

I found myself, a few months ago, alone.  I had my boys, but my husband, the person who was supposed to be with me "til death do us part" was gone.  I sat thinking I had no other options, but DIVORCE!?  I had pity party after pity party after pity party.  So, I did just what I thought I HAD to do to move forward, I went to see a lawyer.  Even as I sat in his office discussing the process, I STILL felt like this was not what I NEEDED to do but what I HAD to do in order to be better.  I made an appointment to see my doctor and began taking medicine to help me cope...again, not what I felt like I NEEDED but what I HAD to do in order to survive.  I couldn't convince Ryan to go to counseling with me so I went to a counselor alone.

Then, I got ANGRY...on the surface.  I pretended to be so angry that my life had turned out this way, that no matter what, I would NEVER be with Ryan again.  It was O-V-E-R!!!  I had tried and I had failed.  I was done with marriage and was going to be a single mom for the rest of my life.

Right now, I want to sidebar for just a moment.  I want to say how important it is to have TRUE, PRAYING, BOLD friends who will call you out when you are doing wrong, who will talk to you at any hour of the day and night, who will pray for you, who will LOVE you no matter what and who will not give up on what God has for you even if you have.

I was one week to the day from finalizing the divorce paperwork, when I got an email from a friend.  She wanted me to know that God was not finished with my marriage.  She recommended a Christian Couple who offer couseling, a couple God had really laid upon her heart specifically for us.  As this point, I felt like I had done everything imaginable in order to save my marriage.  I mean, Ryan had refused counseling over and over, so what makes me think this time would be any different?!  So, reluctantly, I called Ryan and asked him to meet me in the parking lot of his work to talk.  All the way there, I prayed, asking God if it was His will for us to work, if he was truly not finished with us as couple, that Ryan would agree, without hesitation, to go to counseling.  I arrived in the parking lot and Ryan was already waiting outside.....crying.  Before I could get a word out of my mouth, he told me he was sorry and that if I was still willing he would go with me to counseling.  Ya'll, I about fainted!  REALLY?! 

That weekend I had planned to go to a conference for moms called .Mom, in Birmingham.  Ryan had agreed to take care of the boys at our house while I went.  And let me just say, AGAIN, how God amazes me day after day, minute after minute.  This entire weekend I felt God had created JUST FOR ME!!!!  Every speaker that spoke, every break-out session I attended, God had ordained just for me.  As I sat in one particular morning session, I was asked by another BOLD friend, who I wouldn't trade for a million bucks, to go out and talk.  She knew I was hurting and again, told me just exactly what my other friend had said, "God is not finished with your marriage.  Divorce is NOT an option."  I began to think God was trying to tell me something.  HA!

I sat in the last general session of the weekend waiting on none other than Priscilla Shirer to speak.  I was beginning to feel overwhelmed at the thought of having to go back home....to LIFE!!  Now Priscilla, whew, she is always just a powerful speaker, but today, she was on FIRE!!!  She walked the aisles of the room as she talked about Peter.  She spoke about how Peter fished night after night and caught nothing.  Finally, one day Jesus showed up, asking Peter to go back out to where he had just left from a full night of fishing, with nothing to show for it. Only this time JESUS asked Peter to let Him go along so that he could preach.  As she spoke, I realized that she was talking about my life.  I had been out in the deep dark water ALONE and that God was wanting me to go back out there (home, where it felt hopeless) with him in the boat with me this time. 

She talked on and then she stopped, stood up in a chair and said this and I quote, "Someone here today is on the brink of disaster.  You are at the end of your rope.  God says for me to tell you that DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION"!  Hello!!!!!!!  Oh. My. Gosh!  GOD just spoke directly to ME through PRISCILLA SHIRER!!!!!!  Then she said this.... "God is going to turn your situation around in a way that only HE can.  And when he does, he is going to use your boat as a platform to draw people unto him."  I sat in awe the rest of her message.  At the end of the day, she asked for people to stand if they were willing to make a commitment to return home with Jesus in there boat.  Of course, I stood up and have not been the same since.

God is in my boat, Ryan's boat, OUR boat.  We invite Him in daily.  Now, don't get me wrong, things are not perfect for us.  We did have to attend counseling.  We both have accountability partners who hold us VERY accountable to what God has called us to do.  One thing that God has told us, me in particular, to do is SHARE.  Like I said in past posts, I am not comfortable with this.  I am not brave, but I am willing.  I am willing to do whatever God asks me to do because he paid the ultimate price for me.

God wants me to tell someone tonite just exactly what he told me a few months ago.  He is not finished with you yet.  I know you are on the brink of disaster but get back in that boat, only this time, let God in too.  Remember, the will of God won't lead you where the grace of God can't keep you.  You will never be out of his care.  REMEMBER, the Lord's already there.

I leave you with this picture of Priscilla and me during the weekend that forever changed my life.