The plan... CHANGED!!!

I have a confession.  I am a planner.  I plan and plan and plan EVERYTHING.  I have in my head how every part of my life is supposed to go.  I spend months, literally, planning my boys' birthday parties.  I have a plan for everything from career, to family, to Christmas presents, every part of my life is planned to the "T".  I am here to tell you today that NOWHERE and I do mean NOWHERE in my plans did it include the "D" word, and by "D" word, I mean Divorce!  Yes, I said it, DIVORCE.  That dreaded word we never think about when we get engaged to the man of our dreams.  That dreaded word never enters your mind when you are walking down the aisle to say "I do".  You never one time think of that word when you find out you are going to give birth to a little bundle of joy. 

It's seems so surreal even now to sit here and type those two words together...at the same time....in the same sentence....about ME!!!!!  I mean, what is God thinking!!!  I am a Christian.  I go to church.  I try to do good, very good, all the time.  My husband is a YOUTH MINISTER for crying out loud.  Hello, have you met me?!  What have I done so wrong to deserve this?! 

You wanna know the answer I came up with (well, I cannot take credit for it at all because it came straight from my Father above)?!  Here it is...  Trials, pits, valleys, wildernesses, deep water... these times in our lives:
1.  Are no respector of persons.
2.  Are used by Satan to TRY to keep us from doing what God has called us to do. 

God, on the other hand, allows Satan to try us, just like he did with Job and with Jesus, to teach us something.  When God teaches us something, he wants us to SHARE our story.  Ok, wait a minute.  Did I just type that?  Did God say, "Share?".  Get this, I have been out in the deep water, the unknown water, the dark water for so long and now that I FINALLY have my feet back on solid ground, you wanna sweep me back out there, where it's scary and uncomfortable to....SHARE?!  HAHA!!!  Are you crazy???  Again, have you met me, God?!  I have prayed and prayed and prayed and begged God to "let this cup pass from me".  I have told God, pretty bluntly, that I don't wanna share what I have been through.  It's tough, it's embarrassing, it's uncomfortable. 

A few weeks ago, in Sunday School, a friend of mine was sharing about her daughter and how she has to tell her every day to pick up her shoes and take them to her room after school.  Every day her daughter says, "Mom, I don't feel like it".  So, I even tried that with God saying, "God, I don't feel like sharing what I have been through."  And do you know what God said back to me?!  Disclaimer:  This WILL sting you.  He said, "What if I didn't feel like sending Jesus to die on the cross for YOUR sins."  Read that again and let it soak in for a minute.  OUCH!!!!!!  And then He said something else...  "People aren't going to listen to you if you have a PERFECT life.  You have to have a story to tell, one that people will listen to."  But here's the part that really got me.  He said, "They aren't going to dwell on what you went through as much as they will REMEMBER what I have done through this trial in your life."

So, here I sit.  Ready to share... Scared to death!  But I know this is what God is leading me to do.  So, I will begin a series of blog posts starting next week on the past 2 years of my life.  Let me tell you that this isn't going to be easy for me to type nor is it going to be easy for you to read.  I beg you not to judge me or my husband.  God has forgiven, we have forgiven, and we are moving foward.....together.  I ask you to pray for me as God gives me the words.  I ask you to pray for Ryan and I as we continue on this Marriage Journey with God as our PILOT and us as he willing passengers.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ~2 Corinthians 12:9